No Calorie Christmas Cookies...

This arrived in my email this evening. I love humorous emails! Enjoy!

1. If you eat a Christmas cookie fresh out of the oven, it has no calories because everyone knows that the first cookie is the test and thus calorie free.

2. If you drink a diet soda after eating your second cookie, it also has no calories because the diet soda cancels out the cookie calories.

3. If a friend comes over while you're making your Christmas cookies and needs to sample, you must sample with your friend. Because your friend's first cookie is calories free, rule #1 is yours also. It would be rude to let your friend sample alone and, being the friend that you are, that makes your cookie calorie free.

4. Any cookie calories consumed while walking around will fall to your feet and eventually fall off as you move. This is due to gravity and the density of the caloric mass.

5. Any calories consumed during the frosting of the Christmas cookies will be used up because it takes many calories to lick excess frosting from a knife without cutting your tongue.

6. Cookies colored red or green have very few calories. Red ones have three and green ones have five - one calorie for each letter. Make more red ones!

7. Cookies eaten while watching "Miracle on 34th Street" have no calories because they are part of the entertainment package and not part of one's personal fuel.

8. As always, cookie pieces contain no calories because the process of breaking causes calorie leakage.

9. Any cookies consumed from someone else's plate have no calories since the calories rightfully belong to the other person and will cling to their plate. We all know how calories like to CLING!

10. Any cookies consumed while feeling stressed have no calories because cookies used for medicinal purposes NEVER have calories. It's a rule!

Humorous Christmas Cookie Recipe

I received this recipe in my email and I thought I would share it to liven up the Holidays.
Feel free to try this recipe out, I would suggest waiting until the kids are in bed!

Christmas Cookies

> 1 cup of water
> 1 tsp baking soda
> 1 cup of sugar
> 1 tsp salt
> 1 cup of brown sugar
> lemon juice
> 4 large eggs
> 1 cup nuts
>2 cups of dried fruit
> 1 bottle Crown Royal
- Sample the Crown Royal to check quality.
- Take a large bowl, check the Crown Royal again, to be sure it is of the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink.
- Turn on the electric mixer...Beat one cup of butter in a large , fluffy bowl.
- Add one teaspoon of sugar...Beat again.
- At this point it's best to make sure the Crown Royal is still OK, try another cup.. just in case.
- Turn off the mixer thingy.
- Break 2 leggs and add to the bowl and chuck in the cup of dried fruit.
- Pick the frigging fruit off floor...
- Mix on the turner.
- If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers just pry
it loose with a dewscriver.
- Sample the Crown Royal to check for tonsisticity.
- Next, sift two cups of salt, or something.... who giveshz a sheet.
- Check the Crown Royal.
- Now shift the lemon juice and strain your nuts.
- Add one table.
- Add a spoon of ar, or somefink.... whatever you can find.
- Greash the oven.
- Turn the cake tin 360 degrees and try not to fall over.
- Don't forget to beat off the turner.
- Finally, throw the bowl through the window.
- Finish the bottle of Crown Royal.
- Make sure to put the stove in the dishwasher.
Cherry Mistmas